nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
