He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize