but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
