He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
