Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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