where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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