Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
