is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
