Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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