Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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