Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
