I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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