Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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