pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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