u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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