I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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