I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
