I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
