This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
