He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
