Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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