I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize