my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
