Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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