i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
