What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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