I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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