Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
PANTIES FOUND
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