Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
