Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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