I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
