He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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