I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Farmville is her only friend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
