Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
