hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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