it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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