On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
