Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
