i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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