i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
