I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
