wakey wakey hands off snakey
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
