I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
