He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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