This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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