just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
