So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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