apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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