i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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