i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
