Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
