Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
