just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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