You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
