I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
