when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
