I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize