is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we're making bets on your personal life
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
