I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
