Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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