I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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