I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
