Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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