And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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