He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
