Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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